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Exactly what I needed to hear

Ry

I lost you way too soon, and our lives were just getting started.  We had so many ups and downs and a lifetime of memories in our short 880 days together.  I remember the days after the event, doubting myself and my impact on you.  I would over analyze the littlest things that had happened to try and prove to myself a definitive answer to the question, “did I make you happy?”  I wanted to know that because of me, your life was better.  I would ask my best friend repeatedly to give me facts to prove that I made you happy.  My head agreed, my heart wasn’t sure.  She’d remind me how much you loved to call me “woman” in public.  How proud you were to say that I was yours.  How could you trust me with your kids, your baby girls, if I didn’t make you immensely happy.  At the time I wished that I could just 100% believe it.  Tonight I got the answer that finally convinced me.  Your mom called me, and it was just a regular phone call and we were laughing and talking, and out of nowhere she told me how she wanted me to know that she had never seen you happier than when you were with me.  That she couldn’t remember ever seeing you kiss or be affectionate with any of the ladies that came before me, and that includes your ex-wife that you had 3 kids with.  You almost always had your hand on the small of my back, or when sitting next to each other your hand was in my lap.  And that was just in public.  When we were home, you couldn’t sit on the couch without putting your feet on me.  Every night you’d tell me “ok, scoot your fluffins back for your 5 minutes of snuggles, then it’s bedtime.”  It was never 5 minutes, and more often than not you would fall asleep wrapped around me and I’d lay still and quiet and try not to wake you.  And I did that because you made me happy too.

Through all of this I have learned that I am way tougher than I ever could have imagined.  I can do hard things, and I can do them with a smile on my face, a tear in my eye and know that I am better for it.  And because of that, I know that I made you happy.  Tonight I did something that you and I had done so many times before, I went to Nonna’s.  It’s a little pizza place near our house that is not only haunted, but serves a delicious steak special every Monday and Tuesday.  We were quite the regulars for awhile, going at least once a week.  Today I was feeling brave and decided to go alone.  I could have asked someone to go with me, but I wanted to have a “date night” with you.  No steak tonight because it’s Wednesday, but I went with a risky pizza choice.  You were a pepperoni purest and would throw the biggest fit when I would suggest we order something different, and the cardinal pizza sin in your opinion was pineapple.  So I was feeling sassy and ordered myself a Hawaiian pizza and went to sit in our booth.  Ghost app turned on and drinking orange soda as it was your fave, I sat and waited.  There wasn’t much activity on the EVP before my food was brought out, but as soon as she put that delicious pineapple pizza on my table, the phone registered “steak” followed immediately by “always.”  I get it, I get it.  You would never had approved of my pizza choice.  I should always get steak.  Or is it that you are always with me.  It doesn’t matter, it comforted me to know that you are there.  At first I was a little skeptical, but when I started turning the app on after I lost you, there were words that showed up that I had never seen picked up before.  I am not making this up, many times after you passed and right after I’d turn the app on, it would say the word “farting.”  Yes you read that correctly, “farting.”  I have NEVER seen that come across the screen nor have any idea why a ghost would need to pass gas, but it made me laugh hysterically because you were maybe the gassiest person I know and made a spectacle of it any time you farted in my direction.  It was disgusting and you’d tell me “that’s for you baby.”  You thought it was hilarious, and I’d just laugh and hide my nose.  There was no escaping it.  This happened often.  So when the EVP kept saying that, I knew it wasn’t just any old ghost that was hanging out with me, I knew it was you.

There are so many things that I want to tell you, so many things that were left unsaid.  I hope you knew how much I truly loved you, and how happy you have made me.  We were inseparable from the beginning and you brought me 100% into your world.  The good, the bad, the drama and the happiness and I wouldn’t trade those times for anything.  

I love you baby, see you next date night.


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